Digging Deep (aka Plumbing the Depths)

How refreshing to have a wonderful new garden design show on the telly!

The concept - take sad people (recently bereaved/left by their partners/looking after an elderly relative) and transform their lives by giving them a beautiful garden!

Two loveable oddball characters, bombing around the countryside in a vintage vehicle (how do the producers come up with these original ideas?)

Forget any formal garden design training - Let's get theatrical types, after all, they can take direction - I know, let's get someone who looks like Zoe Wanamaker but isn't, team her with another luvvie with a penchant for floral shirts to do the designs, and get Zoe Wanamaker to narrate. Genius!

The process:

Have a quick look at the garden and a nose around the house (preferably without the owner there).

Have a chat with the owner and look sympathetic as they tell you their tragic tale.

Tell them a new garden will solve everything and that it's going to be fabulous!

Open a bottle of champagne. Get coloured felt tips and a bit of paper and 'brain storm'! - Use crumpled crepe paper to suggest colour themes etc.

Wander aimlessly around a flower market and suggest unsuitable plants - Gerberas! Divine darling!

Suggest that Phormiums will be too 'spiky' for the scheme.

Say 'Dicksonia antarctica' in every episode to appear knowledgeable.

Hey presto, the finished garden, full of Phormiums, Dicksonia antarctica and Gerbera!

Take a bow, hug tearful punter and exit stage left.

Four years at The University of Greenwich - why bother. Am I too old for Italia Conti?


Dickie